Many days in my counseling ministry I hear about how women feel their husbands do not understand them. When I make a statement about what it means to understand their wives, usually the women cry because for the first time in a long time they feel they are heard and understood. Now I’m not bragging because I am not the best husband or the best counselor. I have to admit that God gives me discernment and wisdom as I ask for them. I have to give Him the credit for,what happens in my office because without Him I couldn’t do what I do. This blog is not about how I counsel, but rather how men are supposed to understand their wives. How do men understand their wives when there are several differences in how we are created?
You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered. (1 Peter 3:7 NASB)
The Bible tells us to understand our wives, which seems to be an impossible task when women do not understand everything about themselves. The word that is translated understanding deals with the idea of being considerate and sensitive of their deepest physical and emotional needs. When I talk about emotional needs, I lose a lot of men because men have a very difficult time with emotions. The only emotion many men know is anger and they express that in inappropriate ways. That’s another subject for another day. Women function through their emotions mostly. They desire their man to care with them about the same things. I do not ask men to have the same emotion as their wives but I do ask men to care about their wives. Now how do we do this? We ask questions. These questions need to focus on how our wives feel. Men think analytically and not emotionally. It is a challenge for us to even ask about emotions. When she begins to talk about her emotions, we can begin to tune out. When we tune out, we tell our wives that we don’t care about them. Is it OK for your wife to cry and you not understand why she’s crying? Or do you tell her that she doesn’t have any reason to cry? What do you think she hears by that? The main thing she hears is that she is not cared about. Another way we can show our wives we understand them is by making sure we show them consideration. When they ask us to do something or not do something, we need to pay attention to their requests. I was told by a wife that her husband always tells her that she over-reacts to what he watches on TV. He is always watching shows that show scantily clothed women and it really makes his wife feel inadequate as a woman and a wife. She totally feels misunderstood. That conversation was so similar to others I have on a regular basis. Men, it is important that we show consideration to our wives desires and needs. When we learn how to do this, our relationship with our wives will improve greatly!
Spiritual Intimacy
Intimacy is a term that is used in our society to describe a sexual relationship. There is some truth with that idea, yet there is so much more involved in the term “Intimacy” that needs to be included in the definition. I would like to discuss one of the most important aspects of the term of intimacy.
As a Biblical counselor, I believe the most important aspect of intimacy in a marriage relationship is Spiritual Intimacy. As a couple, there needs to be a spiritual foundation to build the relationship on. I believe that a couple relate with one another in conjunction with how each relates with God. So lets look at this idea.
In order to build on this foundation, the first question that needs an answer is “Do you know Jesus as your personal Lord and Savior?” A relationship with God through Jesus Christ is paramount in building your spiritual intimacy. After you ask this question of yourself, you need to ask it of your mate. The Bible tells us in 2 Corinthians 6:14
14 Do not be [a]bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness? New American Standard Bible (NASB)
Once we answer these questions, we need to move on to the next step. How important is this relationship to you? Does your relationship with The Lord control your thought processes as well as your actions? Now I know that every one might be on a different level than others. I am not suggesting that everyone needs to be on the same page. I am suggesting that spouses need to be on the same page. If one person is more in tune with what the Bible says than the other one can create problems between the couple.
The final question is how do you worship together? Do you have a prayer time together? Do you attend church together? Do you serve in the church together? Yes, I understand that I am a Baptist preacher and I might sound like one as I write this. Yet, it is important to follow the guidelines that God has placed in scriptures for us. God instituted marriage at the very beginning of creation. He continues to show the importance of marriages throughout scripture. Once we understand that God wants our marriages to be fulfilling and satisfying, it is easier to follow His instructions.
God loves you and He loves marriage. His plans for your marriage are for your fulfillment as a person. God desires for your marriage to give Him glory. When a couple is following these guidelines together, their level of intimacy goes deeper than those who do not place a priority on their spirituality.
Friendship in Marriage
The past couple of days I have been writing on communication, which is probably the most common issue that I see in my office while 
counseling couples. Another common problem is that couples that are struggling do not ever have any fun together. Now I am not talking about their sexual relationship. I am talking about just enjoying life together and having fun together. Their friendship is lacking. Each of the partners has friends that they like to have fun with. Guys liking to get together to watch football, go hunting, play golf, etc. while the women go shopping, go to the movies, or whatever together. The couple just does not spend any recreational time together.
I am not against having friends that we do things together with. Matter of fact, I encourage it. I believe that our relationships with others can enhance our relationship with our spouse. What I do I have a problem with is that we spend more time with our other friends and not have any time with our best friend. I know a lot of guys who think they can hang out with their buddies while their wife is at home with the kids and then expect her to respond favorably to his romantic advances. Most of the time, his expectations are not met.
One of the purposes of marriage is to meet the companion need. I know that Adam was the only person when God created Eve, but the principle is still applicable. We need our mate to be our companion, not just our sexual partner.
How do we accomplish this? How do we maintain a friendship with our mate throughout our marriage? A couple of things come to mind as I think about this subject.
1. Date regularly. Many of the marriage books recommend dating once per week. I know that can be expensive, yet can be very profitable for our marriages. I recommend doing things on dates that are not that expensive like going on picnics if you can take a lunch date. If you have children, maybe you can find another couple to switch out for childcare.
2. Find a common hobby. So many people like to do things that their mate does not like to do. I am not telling anyone not to hunt, fish, play golf, shop, or anything else their mate doesn’t like. What I am saying that there needs to be a common hobby; something that both of you would like to do together.
3. Do what your mate wants to do. I read about an avid golfer who was asked to play on a very exclusive course on day, but he told his friends no because he was going to the Art Museum. The response was “I didn’t know you were into art.” The golfer said, “I’m not but my wife is and I’m into my wife.”
These are just a few suggestions. There are many others that help keep the friendship going such as laughing together, touching daily, and then again just talking to each other.
Being friends is very important when you are on the journey of your lifetime called marriage. It really makes the journey go a lot easier.
Communication Pt. 4
This post is the fourth and final discussion on communication for the marathon that I am participating in with the Christian Marriage Bloggers Association. I believe that communication poses as the number one problem in marriages today. (Maybe the lack of communication) The one area of communication that is so blatantly wrong in our relationships is the way we resolve conflict. Do any of these statements sound familiar?
• You never …
• You always …
• You are the stupidest …
• I’m going to _______________ and you have nothing to say about it.
• I hate you.
• I want a divorce.
I am sure that either you have said some of these or at least heard some of these. I know people’s arguments and fights get so much worse than these phrases, but these phrases are all examples of very bad communication.
Let’s think for a few minutes about conflict. Most conflict is based on your expectations not being met or something someone has done that you feel wronged by. During these times of conflict, we act like our mate is the enemy and we have to attack the enemy. When we attack, we have to win and that means at all costs. I know you can understand where this is going. It ends up with a lot of hurt feelings and most of the time a lot of collateral damage. One person usually just gives up and withdraws from the fight while the other person just continues to berate them.
How do we get away from just trying to destroy our mate when we have disagreements? How can we feel that our relationship has won when the conflict is resolved?
There are so many things that I could talk about today concerning conflict resolution. But I want to just focus on a couple of those issues.
1. Does your mate know that you love them? The way we talk to each other, even in the middle of an argument, is so important in the love relationship. If we are calling names or insulting, love is not present. If we are being rude, demanding, or controlling, love is not present. I tell couples in my counseling that the worst name you should call your spouse is their first name. You should never call your spouse ugly names or insulting names or use profanity as you talk to them, even when you are angry. The names you call your spouse truly speaks volumes about how you truly feel about them.
2. Is your motivation unity? In another words, are you trying to strengthen your relationship with you mate? So many times when a person gets into a conflict with someone, he/she is trying to prove a point or to get a need met that they think is not met. The motivation at that point is very selfish. I have heard several preachers state that all sin is from selfishness. I am not going to argue for or against that point, but I am stating that selfishness is at the root of many conflicts in marriage. The Bible tells us in Phil. 2:3-4 that “we are not supposed to do anything out of selfish ambition or with vain conceit, but we are to treat others as more important than ourselves.” I realize that these verses are speaking to the church about how we are supposed to treat each other, but I believe the principle applies to the home as well. When we decide to act in such a manner, our relationships will improve to the point of being totally fulfilling and satisfying.
3. Can I discuss this issue without getting angry? I think that many couples approach conflict with an attitude of attack. When this is true, chances are that one or both of the parties is angry. Anger can become very controlling and damaging. What would happen the next time a conflict came up that you took a moment to gather your thoughts and present your thoughts of the situation in a loving manner? Do you think that your mate would respond in the same way? I believe he/she would.
As I stated earlier, I could discuss so much more about conflict resolution. (Maybe another time) These three questions, I believe, can help anyone begin to move in the direction of resolving their conflicts instead of trying to win a fight. A good passage of scripture for a couple to study about resolving conflicts would be Eph. 4:25-32. If we followed these verses in our marriage, there would be a great deal more harmony and a whole lot less divorce in the church.
Communication Pt. 3
The past couple of days I have been writing about communication within the marriage. Today, I want to continue with the thoughts on communication. I started with the need to just talk then I moved to the fact that men and women talk differently from each other. The next issue that I believe is very important for a couple to have a healthy and fulfilling marriage is the ability to be assertive. So many people have a difficult time expressing their own needs and wants that it truly becomes a problem in the marriage.
I want to clarify something here at the very beginning. I am not talking about nagging or controlling. The Bible says in Proverbs that a nagging wife is like a dripping faucet and that it would be better to live in the corner of the roof than in the house with her. (Prov. 19:13; 21:9, 19; 27:15) The Bible tells the husbands to lead by loving and understanding. (I Pet. 3:7; Eph. 5:25) When a person is assertive, he/she is stating what he/she needs or wants. Within the marriage relationship this is very important while at the same time understanding and considering the needs and wants of the other person. (Phil. 2:3-4)
How can someone be assertive without being demanding or nagging? The easy answer of this question is to state what one wants or needs in a way that is easy to listen to and understand. Simply put, “I like it when…” “I need you to…more often.” “I feel…about what you said.” Statements such as these are called “I” statements and they help the listener to be able to hear what is being said without becoming defensive.
There are a couple of areas that being assertive truly helps. One of those areas is in conflict resolution. I will deal with that on another day, but for conflicts to be resolved both individuals have to be willing state their needs, feelings, and wants within the realm of the conflict.
Another area that being able to assert yourself that is very helpful is in the bedroom. Now this blog is about communication and not about sex, yet so much of sex is about communication. If you are not able to tell your spouse what you like, what you would like for him/her to do, what works for you and what doesn’t work for you, etc. then your love life will leave you frustrated or unfulfilled. If your spouse is doing something like nibbling your ear for instance and you do not like it. You start squirming to get away and he thinks you are encouraging him to do it more. There is bad communication going on.
I had a couple in my office one day that has been married for about 10 years. He rubbed her feet pretty much daily. She allowed him to do so all the while not liking it at all. She finally realized that she could tell him that she did not share his like and appreciation for the foot rubs. He was devastated because he thought for the past 10 years that he was doing something that she liked. For 10 years she was miserable allowing him to touch her feet when she despised every moment. This is just one example of poor communication and not being able to express oneself assertively.
Let me encourage you to practice asserting yourself by stating what you need or what you want. It will be a liberating experience for you.
Communication Pt. 2
In Communication Pt. 1, I focused on the need to just talk to one another as well as the need to talk face to face so that eye contact was made during the conversations. In Pt. 2, I want to focus on the words that are used and how they are to be used while we communicate.
“What is the big deal about what words are used?” I am glad you asked that question. You see, men and women do not speak the say language. Yes, if you are reading this that means you understand English (my version of English, anyways) and I know both men and women are reading this. (At least I think both men and women read my blog.) What I mean by speaking different languages is that men and women use language differently and are motivated differently. Understand that as I write this, I can name some individuals that do not necessarily fit into the generalizations that I will be making. But those individuals are the exceptions to the rule and not the norm. The lines are being broken down more and more between the way God create male and female, yet the principles of male and female are still and always will be the same.
Now, let me get back to how to communicate between men and women. Men speak most of the time to compete with someone. Have you ever noticed how men get together to talk about the latest fishing trip, last night’s sporting event, or even their sales account that they have landed? Every thing is so full of competition with or against the people they are talking with. You know, we can even keep score at how many times we’ve done the dishes or washed some clothes. We men like to compete with whom we talk.
Women on the other hand like to complete the person they are talking with. Women are always looking for connecting points to the person. My daughter-in-law is pregnant with my second grandchild and when she told my family, my daughter began connecting with everything that is going on. She asked about morning sickness and then what kind of plans she had for the birth, etc. You see my daughter just gave birth a few months ago, so all of this was fresh. My wife joined in the conversion, because of course she too could connect with her.
A second way that men and women differ is that men like to give a report while women like to build a rapport. When you ask a man how was his day, he will tell you what he did and who he talked to. Ask a woman the same thing; she will add stories and details.
A third way that men and women differ in their speech is that men use action words while women use emotional words. Men like to do things and fix things while women like to feel. Now again, I know that these general statements are not true in every relationship. Your husband might be very emotional and can’t fix anything, while you like to carry the electric drill and fix everything in and around your house. Or both of you are very competitive and have to win at all costs. But for the most part, these generalized statements help us to understand the differences in the way men and women communicate.
Several years ago, there was a very large movement to help women learn to speak in a man’s business world. One book was even entitled Gender Talk, which was a book written specifically for the business woman along with the business man trying to succeed in the business world as the gender lines were being crossed. John Gray wrote Mars and Venus Together Forever in which he described the differences in how men and women speak to one another. I am not recommending either of these books, but I am mentioning them to show how we have come to realize that the skills of communication not only deal with being able to talk and listen, but also we need to learn to “hear and understand” the language of our spouse…because they are speaking differently than you.
1 Peter 3:7a (NASB)
7 You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way…
Communication Pt. 1
I wonder how many times I have been told in my counseling sessions, “I just do not understand my spouse.” Or maybe when I ask the question “What is your number one issue in your marriage?” The answer is “Communication.” Now I might think that is ironic in our day and age. We have the ability to communicate with people through phone, text messaging, e-mails, Skype or Face-Talk, or many other avenues including Voxing…not to mention Facebook or Twitter. (I just named a few, so if you use others don’t think I’m leaving something out on purpose.) Yet in our world of instant communication and instant information, couples struggle truly connecting with each other because they do not know how to communicate.
Personally I believe that texting is one of the worst things that has happened to communication. You have 160 characters, unless you use an iPhone, to communicate your message. There is no voice inflections, no facial features to be seen, and unless you text back and forth, no real room for questions and explanations. Yet it seems that a great deal of communication between couples is through texting.
Now today is not about the negatives of using modern technology as I communicate a great deal with each of the before mentioned avenues. But it is about making sure that there is more to your communication than just technology. Over the next couple of days I will be addressing some major communication issues that we face in our marriages as well as other relationships.
Let’s just start with some basic information. In order to truly communicate with each other, you must TALK. Now that might sound silly, but you would be surprised at how little individuals talk to each other. I have not actually done any research in this field, but every day as I counsel with couples it seems that their work schedules along with their children’s schedules, they have very little time to talk to each other. I know many couples that take separate vehicles to the same place most of the time. In the car can be a time that a couple can talk. Also during the evening hours, couples watch TV or do chores around the house. I know that I am guilty of being on my iPad or iPhone in the evenings when I could be talking to my wife. (Lisa, please forgive me.) Something that seems to be insignificant at times is just talking, but it is very important.
The second issue that I want to address is eye contact. I used to watch Leave it to Beaver all the time. One of the things that I remember was that June would be washing dishes and Ward would be reading the paper all the while they would be talking to each other. If something was said that truly caught Ward’s attention, he would look over the edge of the paper to make sure he understood what was said. That is not good communication. In order for good communication to take place, you must be looking at each other. So much is “said” with the eyes that it is important to be able to see the eyes of both the speaker and the listener. Make sure the TV, paper, chores, or technology is not distracting you so that your communication skills can improve.
How much are you and your spouse communicating each day? Is that communication uninterrupted? The challenge for each of us is to make sure we carve out time to talk to our spouse on a daily basis. It does not have to be serious communication, but it needs to be daily and uninterrupted. More tomorrow on how to better communicate with your spouse.
Proverbs 16:24 (NASB)
24 Pleasant words are a honeycomb, Sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.
Celebrating My 50th Birthday
This past weekend, I celebrated my 50th birthday. You know you never know exactly what to expect for such an occasion. My daughter, who along with her husband and son lives with me and my bride, kept asking me what I wanted for my big day. I kept putting her off by telling her that it should be her decision, not mine. All along I had in my mind things that I’ve seen at other 50th birthday parties such as black streamers, black balloons, or even black flowers as well as jokes about incontinence along with other things I won’t mention. My daughter spent the day baking a cake and cooking while my son-in-law cleaned the house and I sat watching the Ryder Cup and some of the football games I was interested in. I think my son-in-law cleaned because he hates golf and there was nothing really else to do on a rainy day. No matter what the reason behind his cleaning, it sure was nice having them do so much around the house while Lisa and I just sat around enjoying the sights and the smells.
Back to the day of my birthday celebration…I somewhat expected some sort of a surprise by having people invited over or my daughter insisting I leave for a while or something, but those things never happened. But the evening was not over. My son and his new bride came over for dinner and gave me along with Lisa a gift. (Lisa’s birthday is just a couple of weeks later than mine.) They also gave Danielle a gift and told us to open them at the same time. Now I am not being very observant, as I want to get along with opening my cards from every one else. Danielle is the one that is really reading the gift, which was a very nice picture book of Caleb and Lindsey’s life together. That is where the BIG surprise was. For the second year in a row, my birthday was celebrated by announcing a grandbaby on the way!!! This baby is due around Mother’s Day of 2013. Talk about mixed emotions. Here I was all geared up for the attention to be focused on me, which I have to admit that I can be childish when it comes to birthdays and special occasions. I really like to be the center of attention on those certain days. (Some might argue that is every day though.) The attention is not on my 50th birthday, but on the fact that my daughter-in-law is carrying my 2nd grandbaby. Then comes the fact that the young couple has only been married for two months and they just started trying to get things going together with work and so forth. They are still trying to find out exactly what God wants them to do. Let me tell you, I know exactly how my parents felt when we told them we were pregnant with Danielle. There was a wave of excitement long with a flood of questions. Today as I sit here writing, I am truly focusing on the excitement and not the questions.
My family is growing, not just numerically, but also spiritually as both of my children are striving to serve the Lord in their lives. Now they are serving the Lord by being parents. I have the responsibility to continue to live my life as an example to my children, their spouses, as well as their children so that our family represents a Godly family and is a beacon for all to witness God’s love and faithfulness as we live our lives for Him.
The first 50 years has been a challenge…the next how ever many years God gives me will be even more of a challenge as God continues to bless me with more responsibilities.
Deuteronomy 6:4-7 (NASB)
4 “Hear, O Israel! The LORD is our God, the LORD is one!
5 “You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.
6 “These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart.
7 “You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up.
Honoring Your Parents
Recently several people have spoken with me concerning their aging parents and how to “honor” them even though the parents have abused them in the past or continue to do so now. The abuse may or may not be physical, but it may also include emotional as well as verbal abuse. The relationship may be one that is characterized as being manipulative. All of these situations are very difficult to deal with as an adult child of an aging parent. I thank God that I do not have to deal with these negative emotions or relationships with my parents or my in-laws. I am learning about the aspect of how to relate with my parents as they age and their needs are changing. At the present time, my parents and my in-laws are relatively healthy and independent. I pray that they continue to be such for several more years. But, I digress from the purpose of my writing today.
(Again, let me state that I have not experienced the emotions of being abused by my parents in any way. So, please do not think I am trying to tell you how to feel.)
As I have been thinking about this particular subject, several things have come to my mind. The primary thought that I have had is one of unconditional obedience to God. God gives us several directives in scripture dealing with different types of relationships. Each one does not come with a condition that would allow us not to obey it. One such directive is to forgive others so the Father in Heaven can forgive us.(Matt. 6:14-15) God does not tell us to forgive if they ask for forgiveness, but to forgive. He doesn’t tell us to forgive if they are repentant, but just forgive.
The second that comes to my mind is Wives submit and respect your husband, while husbands are commanded to love and understand your wife. (Eph. 5:21-33; I Pet. 3:1-7) No where in these passages does it mention if your spouse is being lovable or respectable or even if you are getting along together. It is a command without conditions that requires unconditional obedience to God. There are several other commands from God such as love your neighbor among others.
Now thinking about your parents, whether they were good parents or not, we need to consider the command that God gave us in the Ten Commandments and that Paul repeated in a couple of his letters to churches.
The command reads, “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.” (Exodus 20:12 ESV)
Now Paul tells children to obey their parents as another form of this commandment in Ephesians 6 and Colossians 3. As adult children, we are not considered children and therefore the command to obey our parents does not apply to us after we move out of our parents’ house. So we need to realize that God does not expect us to obey our parents, when we have our own family.
There is a difference between honoring and obeying. The Greek word for obey is hupakouo which means to listen and follow the rules and guidelines. The Greek word for honor is timao which means to value or to prefer.
Now let me share some of my thoughts concerning how we can honor our parents even in times when they are not honorable.
- We live our lives in a way that brings honor to our parents. In other words, we live according to what we believe God wants for us. When we are obedient to God, we will bring honor to our parents. Sometimes our parents won’t see that, but the fact remains the same: When we live for God, we bring honor to our parents.
- We make sure the needs of our parents are met. This statement does not mean that we have to meet our parents’ needs. We need to make sure the needs are met. Many of us do not live in the same town as our parents and cannot be around them all the time. Therefore we need to pay attention to what is being said by our parents and how they are getting along.
- We keep lines of communication open with our parents. This step might be very difficult when our parents are verbally abusive or manipulative, but we need to work on making sure communication is there. Let me say here that proper boundaries need to be in place so that you do not put yourself in a position to abused or manipulated. You need to communicate the boundaries that you intend to put into place, so that you give your parents an opportunity to follow them. You need to share with them the consequences of crossing the boundaries as well.
- Finally, which probably should have been written first on the list, we need to pray for our parents and the relationship with them. When we pray for someone, we begin to see that person as God sees him/her. If we are praying for our parents, God will give us insight on how to honor them.
Let me reiterate, I do not have an issue with either my parents or my in-laws when it comes honoring them. God has blessed me with parents in my life that live for Him and have taught me the same. My wife’s parents are the same, with very similar values. This writing comes from watching many people struggle in this area as well as learning from what God is teaching me as I help others. I pray that this might help you.
I invite your comments and if you have questions, please ask.
Mother’s Day 2012
This coming Sunday is Mother’s Day. This day is a day that can carry a lot of emotions with it. Hopefully those emotions are good and positive, but I know that they can be sad and negative for some. Maybe even in the sad emotions there are many happy memories. This Mother’s Day is one that will have many different emotions for me; mostly emotions of joy and thankfulness for my mom and my wife. Then there are the emotions of pride and exultation for the fact that my daughter just gave birth to her 1st born son, Gideon. Finally, there will be some sadness as a deal friend of mine just lost his wife a couple of days ago. He has 5 children and almost 4 grandchildren as the next grandchild could be born by the time anyone reads this. Over the past 20 years or so, we have been extremely close with this couple. Thinking back, we have kept each other’s children. We have gone on mission trips together and choir trips together. We have pranked each other as well as have had some very deep, intimate conversations with each other. I think of the children almost as much as I think of my own. I realize that they each have grown up and now have their own lives and I don’t see them as much any more, yet that love and concern is still there for each one. I’ve even had their pictures on my refrigerator. I can’t say that about very many people’s children, if any that weren’t family members. Wow, as I write this it makes me remember all the good times that we have had as couples as well as families.
I began thinking about Mother’s Day and the wonderful mom God gave me. You see, God chose to have one woman carry me in her womb for those 9 months and then gave me to another woman, my mother, to teach me and train me in the ways of the Lord. I have been asked if I ever wanted to find my “birth-mother,” and my response has always been that I have a mother and do not need another one. Don’t get me wrong, I thank God regularly for the woman who gave birth to me. I also thank God for her courage to give me up for adoption. I can only imagine the pain that decision caused her. I am not naive to believe that she did not hurt over that decision. I pray that she has had the blessing of having other children during her life when she was better prepared to take care of them. But God used her to be the vessel to carry Shirley Watson’s youngest child, me. 
I think about all the good times that we had as a family, while I was growing up. I can remember all the trips we took as we went on vacations. Some of those memories are from some of the silly things that took place, while others are from some of the serious times we had as a family. If I were to write about all my memories, you would not want to read any further. I just want to communicate that the constant has been the fact that my mom along with my dad have always been there for me. They have been an example of what it means to be committed to one another and to their children…now their grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Their commitment to each other stems from the fact that they have been committed to the Lord for most of their lives. What a blue-print to follow as I look back on the things from my childhood to today.
The second mom that comes to my mind today as I write this is my bride, Lisa. She and I have been married almost 27 years and have reared 2 children. I think back at how I was in the beginning of our marriage. We had Danielle on our 14 month anniversary, so it seems like Lisa has been a mom our entire marriage. I thank God that she was dedicated to being a mom and continues to be so today. 
I was not around very much with going to school and being a youth minister. I allowed those things to get in the way of me being a husband and a daddy. I thank God that my bride was not distracted from her responsibilities as I was. I believe that Lisa has been and is the ultimate mom for her children and now her grandson. Again, her dedication to the Lord is first and foremost in her life.
While I am bragging on my children’s mom, I am reminded that I do have
a second mom in my life, my mother-in-law. She is a very godly and caring mom as well.She and my father-in-law have been married for 54 years and have shown a sincere love and dedication to one another as well as their children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. For my wife to be such a good mom, she had to have a very good teacher and trainer. I thank Marjorie McCloskey for being such a good mom for my wife growing up and even now.
The final mom that is on my mind today is my daughter. Danielle Barker. When I think about Dani and the fact that she is celebrating her 1st Mother’s Day, I feel so much pride and a sense of accomplishment.
I thank God for the fact that Dani has had many examples to follow and she is committed to the Lord, her husband, her son, and her calling. I don’t think that I could be any more proud of who she is today. Now, I want to give God the honor and glory that He deserves for all of this.
This Mother’s Day, I would encourage each of you to thank God for all the moms in your life!